Transcendent Experiences
God's Name
Following the odd events recounted in Dare the Devil I was quite intent on settling down in my school and Bible studies. In the Fall of 76 and Winter of 77 I attended the University of California at Irvine as a mathematics major. In the spring of 77 I transferred to Christ College in Irvine, now known as Concordia University. There I enrolled in the pre-ministerial program; I was a Lutheran-Pastor-to-be.
A fellow student and friend named Dennis (now a fully ordained Lutheran Pastor) told me about this gentleman that he had met in Los Angels, named Dan. "The spaciest guy I have ever met." Dennis picked me up one night from my parents house & drove me all the way to LA.
We walked up the long walkway to Dan's house, and I started to feel really weird. Folks, I cannot explain it to you. But this experience has happened fairly regularly to me over the years, though by "regularly" I probably mean an average of about once a year. To describe it with words is of course a challenge, but here's the best I can do: Every footstep seemed more solid and deliberate than usual. The very air seemed thicker. The entire environment seemed almost other-worldly, and everything felt as though it was stuffed with meaning and destiny, and that I had best pay very close attention.
Dan greeted everyone at the door as he greets everyone, with a huge hug as though you are his best friend in the world, and he has missed you more than breath. He is 6 foot tall, was dressed in all white, very Rabbinic looking.
And as I entered the living room where Dan held his weekly meetings I got the creepiest yet most thrilling sensation. It was more than a feeling of Deja-Vu, that odd experience of having seen, heard, done something or been somewhere before. Yes, there was that component. (I would have in future years a series of Deja-Vu experiences that would, indeed, change my life and perception of myself and the universe. And yes, I will tell you about them, but that will have to wait a bit.) But beyond the I've-been-here-before feeling was a "we've entered a spaceship outside of our normal time and dimension." No, that is not rational, and no, the house did not physically leave the earth. But sitting in Dan's living room with 10 or so other souls, all there to listen to this guy dressed in white talk about the real universe, I felt that the entire experience was "out there," "off the chart," and whatever other clichés you would like to use.
There was a grand piano in the corner. I had been playing the piano & organ since I was in second grade.
There was a massive gong in the middle of the room. In my suburban upbringing that only things I had ever seen in a living room were a couch, chairs, and a TV.
Sitting on the mantle of the fireplace was this odd design, painted on paper with florescent pigment, with a black light illuminating it.
I couldn't take my eyes off of it. The entire room seemed to drip with poignant holiness, but whatever that thing was over the fireplace I was mysteriously, transcendently (as in I simply cannot explain it to you) drawn to it.
And Dan. His entire presentation was unlike anything I had ever, Ever, EVER encountered before, for 2 reasons. First was the absolutely radical story he told us. A thousand times more bizarre than any science fiction tale. The second was that he told this incomprehensible tale with a style that was rather unsettling for its very commonality. Dan spoke like he was recounting the most obvious, mundane story, like he had told it thousands of times before (I would learn later that he had) and really found it hard to believe that anyone, anywhere still needed to hear this stuff.
But I certainly had never heard it before.
And I certainly needed to.
I cannot quote Dan verbatim, for it has been a quarter century since I first heard the amazing sermon I am about to relate. And I've never related it before, but feel compelled to do so here. (I hinted at it in my one page bio, but only the surface.) Why? The best answers I can give are:
 | I really was a pretty "far-out" creature, have been since I was born. Anyone who has actually taken the time to read Dare the Devil knows what I mean. But what I heard that day was beyond the scope of anything I had ever imagined. |
| And it's not "giving away anything" to tell you I did not believe one word of it. |
| But I am unwilling to hide anymore the fact that each and every single day over the last 24 years, in ways large and small, I have become utterly convinced that Dan's little sermon is the factual truth of the universe, the most true thing anyone has ever spoken to me. Linguistically, philosophically, theologically, Biblically, and experientially true. It is the Central Pillar (a Kabalistic term I hope someday to be able to explain in detail) around which every word written here, and every experience I have ever had in my life, revolves. |
| Yet over the course of my public ministry I have been very concerned to "prepare the soil" as Jesus' parable describes. Everything that is said must be true, yet not everything that is true must be said. Jesus himself spoke of having "many more things to say, but you cannot bear them now." |
| Nevertheless, things are changing. The technology shift alone makes it impossible for me to prepare the fields of the minds or souls who come this way. I cannot control what you read, what order you read it in, and certainly have no way to discern your personal spiritual state. All of that is possible in a personal teaching relationship, but the human race has decided to abandon that. |
| So, the best I can do is offer the information I have. "This is what I heard." "This is what I saw." "This is what happened to me." "This is what I think." The rest is up to you, dear friend. |
| I also realized before I started the Transcendent Experiences series that there would simply be no point at all in presenting this material in a "soft-core" or edited fashion. What, really, would be the point or relating to you my personal encounters with God if I am going to edit out anything I think is "too much," or something the reader might not be ready for? In that way I have received enough negative emails, even with my attempts to sugar-coat this material, to finally cure me (yes, I mean cure, as in healing, as in good growth from so-called criticism) of the illusion that I can affect or effect in any way how it is perceived. Rather freeing, actually. |
| In short, my life was changed from what I heard that evening (statistically) more so than any other single event in my life, short of being born with all limbs and body parts functioning properly. And I cannot know that it won't have the same results for you. |
Dan's Sermon
"The entire universe, as you know it, is not real. It is all a dream inside the mind of God. There are none being born, none dying, none alive, none dead.
"When you get tired of playing with this world you will find yourself in the realm of desire, also known as the astral world. It's what is commonly referred to as heaven. There, desire is the equivalent of physical strength. Most people play there for about 150 years, but whenever you get bored you can drop your astral body and find yourself in the realm of pure mind.
"Most people play there for 400 to 500 years. But whenever you get bored you can drop your mental body, when you find yourself in the realm of the Angels. These are the beings that surround God's throne. It is the realm of pure Will. Most people play there for several thousand years.
"But when you get bored you can step out of your will-vehicle, at which time you will realize you are what you have always been, the Birthless, Deathless, Creator, Preserver and Destroyer of the Universe.
"Of course you do not have to follow this long, winding pathway. You can go direct to the source. The most powerful tool we know of, and what I have been advocating for years, is using God's Name, Yod-He-Vav-He. That's a picture of it on the mantle. Yod-He-Vav-He's Name, spelled vertically, is a picture of a human.
"So what you do is get some beads, and every morning chant "Ani Yod-He-Vav-He" 100 times, and 100 times at night. "Ani" is Hebrew for "I am." Every month add one hundred times. Very soon you will realize this mantra is the key that opens all the realms of God consciousness, and you will realize you are Yahweh Himself, seeing yourself for what you really are."
Well, I thought this was totally ridiculous. And I said so. "So you really want us to believe that this entire universe is an illusion? That's impossible."
Dan replied, "That's only because you want to hold on to your ego, and sit there arguing with me instead of spending even 5 minutes to find out for yourself."
"Well, what about this chanting business. Jesus says we are not supposed to do that."
"He said no such thing. He said don't use meaningless repetition, and Yod-He-Vav-He's Name is not meaningless. And you don't do it to get heard. You do it to hear."
"And you really think it's right to sit around saying "I am God" all the time? Isn't that blasphemy?"
He just shook his head. He turned out the lights, and started chanting. "Ani...Yod-He-Vav....He." And every time he finished another repetition he lightly tapped the gong with a mallet, emitting a very warm, rich sonic bloom into the air.
Everyone else in the room except for me joined in.
Well, that was pretty much it. And on the drive home the (apparent) symbolism of the symmetry was not lost on me...another acquaintance / friend inviting me somewhere, my sense of amazement & feeling out of place, yet unable to deny the unseen, mysterious tugging on my heart.
But make no mistake, Dear Reader. I thought Dan was crazy. Not evil, just crazy. Sitting around, chanting "I am God" ('cause the Yod-He-Vav-He thing hadn't fooled me at all) was wrong, just so wrong to my rational mind on so many levels. And the universe was an illusion. And I would see God. And I was God.
Yeah, right. OK, sure. Whatever.
And yet...Yet...I was no longer really comfortable at Calvary Chapel, having done my own Bible studies and found that what they said it said it just simply did not say. And Lutheran Orthodoxy and I were at cross-odds on many levels (another long & interesting story but not germane to the subject at hand). And I had been a Christian for barely 2 years, and knew instinctively I couldn't know it all.
And besides, I was a born mystic. I needed to see, to experience, to go beyond belief, often (I had certainly learned the previous summer) at risk of my own (and other's) peril. And Dan's little chanting experiment would only take, what, 5 minutes a day?
I could certainly afford the time.
It would either work or it wouldn't.
And if, indeed, there was a way I could actually see God, then I was most interested.
This was the final, determining factor. No one, not the Lutherans, not the drugs (which, for the record, I no longer did at all), not Calvary Chapel, no book, nothing anywhere I had ever encountered offered me such a (theoretical, long-shot, who-are-you-kidding) vision.
I would find out more about this name, and try Dan's little experiment.
